Hector Hugh Munro (1870-1916), known by his pseudonym "Saki", was a writer of marvelously concise short stories that often took humor in a macabre direction. I must acknowledge his tortured genius, but I generally find his comedy to be so devoid of joy that it must be taken in small quantities, like some kind of pungent spice.
His story "The Background" shows his gifts of
irony and precision. The story was
published in the collection The
Chronicles of Clovis (1911).
Fortunately, the nasty young Clovis — a sort of malicious opposite of P.
G. Wodehouse's sunny Bertie Wooster — only appears in the opening sentences and
is not allowed to detract from the story.
The Background
"That woman's art-jargon tires me," said Clovis to
his journalist friend. "She's so fond of talking of certain pictures as
'growing on one,' as though they were a sort of fungus."
"That reminds me," said the journalist, "of
the story of Henri Deplis. Have I ever told it you?"
Clovis shook his head.
"Henri Deplis was by birth a native of the Grand Duchy
of Luxemburg. On maturer reflection he became a commercial traveller. His
business activities frequently took him beyond the limits of the Grand Duchy,
and he was stopping in a small town of Northern Italy when news reached him
from home that a legacy from a distant and deceased relative had fallen to his
share.
"It was not a large legacy, even from the modest
standpoint of Henri Deplis, but it impelled him towards some seemingly harmless
extravagances. In particular it led him to patronize local art as represented
by the tattoo-needles of Signor Andreas Pincini. Signor Pincini was, perhaps,
the most brilliant master of tattoo craft that Italy had ever known, but his
circumstances were decidedly impoverished, and for the sum of six hundred
francs he gladly undertook to cover his client's back, from the collar-bone
down to the waistline, with a glowing representation of the Fall of Icarus. The
design, when finally developed, was a slight disappointment to Monsieur Deplis,
who had suspected Icarus of being a fortress taken by Wallenstein in the Thirty
Years' War, but he was more than satisfied with the execution of the work,
which was acclaimed by all who had the privilege of seeing it as Pincini's
masterpiece.
"It was his greatest effort, and his last. Without even
waiting to be paid, the illustrious craftsman departed this life, and was
buried under an ornate tombstone, whose winged cherubs would have afforded
singularly little scope for the exercise of his favourite art. There remained,
however, the widow Pincini, to whom the six hundred francs were due. And
thereupon arose the great crisis in the life of Henri Deplis, traveller of
commerce. The legacy, under the stress of numerous little calls on its
substance, had dwindled to very insignificant proportions, and when a pressing
wine bill and sundry other current accounts had been paid, there remained
little more than 430 francs to offer to the widow. The lady was properly
indignant, not wholly, as she volubly explained, on account of the suggested
writing-off of 170 francs, but also at the attempt to depreciate the value of
her late husband's acknowledged masterpiece. In a week's time Deplis was
obliged to reduce his offer to 405 francs, which circumstance fanned the
widow's indignation into a fury. She cancelled the sale of the work of art, and
a few days later Deplis learned with a sense of consternation that she had
presented it to the municipality of Bergamo, which had gratefully accepted it.
He left the neighbourhood as unobtrusively as possible, and was genuinely
relieved when his business commands took him to Rome, where he hoped his
identity and that of the famous picture might be lost sight of.
"But he bore on his back the burden of the dead man's
genius. On presenting himself one day in the steaming corridor of a vapour
bath, he was at once hustled back into his clothes by the proprietor, who was a
North Italian, and who emphatically refused to allow the celebrated Fall of
Icarus to be publicly on view without the permission of the municipality of
Bergamo. Public interest and official vigilance increased as the matter became
more widely known, and Deplis was unable to take a simple dip in the sea or
river on the hottest afternoon unless clothed up to the collarbone in a
substantial bathing garment. Later on the authorities of Bergamo, conceived the
idea that salt water might be injurious to the masterpiece, and a perpetual
injunction was obtained which debarred the muchly harassed commercial traveller
from sea bathing under any circumstances. Altogether, he was fervently thankful
when his firm of employers found him a new range of activities in the
neighbourhood of Bordeaux. His thankfulness, however, ceased abruptly at the
Franco-Italian frontier. An imposing array of official force barred his
departure, and he was sternly reminded of the stringent law which forbids the
exportation of Italian works of art.
"A diplomatic parley ensued between the Luxemburgian
and Italian Governments, and at one time the European situation became overcast
with the possibilities of trouble. But the Italian Government stood firm; it
declined to concern itself in the least with the fortunes or even the existence
of Henri Deplis, commercial traveller, but was immovable in its decision that
the Fall of Icarus (by the late Pincini, Andreas) at present the property of
the municipality of Bergamo, should not leave the country.
"The excitement died down in time, but the unfortunate
Deplis, who was of a constitutionally retiring disposition, found himself a few
months later, once more the storm-centre of a furious controversy. A certain
German art expert, who had obtained from the municipality of Bergamo permission
to inspect the famous masterpiece, declared it to be a spurious Pincini,
probably the work of some pupil whom he had employed in his declining years.
The evidence of Deplis on the subject was obviously worthless, as he had been
under the influence of the customary narcotics during the long process of
pricking in the design. The editor of an Italian art journal refuted the
contentions of the German expert and undertook to prove that his private life
did not conform to any modern standard of decency. The whole of Italy and
Germany were drawn into the dispute, and the rest of Europe was soon involved
in the quarrel. There were stormy scenes in the Spanish Parliament, and the
University of Copenhagen bestowed a gold medal on the German expert (afterwards
sending a commission to examine his proofs on the spot), while two Polish
schoolboys in Paris committed suicide to show what THEY thought of the matter.
"Meanwhile, the unhappy human background fared no
better than before, and it was not surprising that he drifted into the ranks of
Italian anarchists. Four times at least he was escorted to the frontier as a dangerous
and undesirable foreigner, but he was always brought back as the Fall of Icarus
(attributed to Pincini, Andreas, early Twentieth Century). And then one day, at
an anarchist congress at Genoa, a fellow-worker, in the heat of debate, broke a
phial full of corrosive liquid over his back. The red shirt that he was wearing
mitigated the effects, but the Icarus was ruined beyond recognition. His
assailant was severely reprimanded for assaulting a fellow-anarchist and
received seven years' imprisonment for defacing a national art treasure. As
soon as he was able to leave the hospital Henri Deplis was put across the
frontier as an undesirable alien.
"In the quieter streets of Paris, especially in the
neighbourhood of the Ministry of Fine Arts, you may sometimes meet a depressed,
anxious-looking man, who, if you pass him the time of day, will answer you with
a slight Luxemburgian accent. He nurses the illusion that he is one of the lost
arms of the Venus de Milo, and hopes that the French Government may be persuaded
to buy him. On all other subjects I believe he is tolerably sane."
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