Ashley Sterne collaborated with A.A. Thomson in writing the book Listener's License about the early days of radio. The two also worked together on many comic radio revues. Years later, Thomson mentioned Ashley Stern in his book Anatomy of Laughter (1966). Here are two excerpts:
"The only considerable wit personally known to me was
my friend and collaborator, the late Ashley Sterne, who began his autobiography
with the words: 'I was born within a stone's throw of the Crystal Palace, the
ideal place for throwing stones.' He
wrote a handy little book on first aid entitled: What to Do Till the Coroner Comes, and I remember one evening as we
were walking along Portland Place on our way to a BBC party, a quavering old
scarecrow asked us to spare him a trifle.
'What's the use of a trifle on a night like this?' growled
Ashley. 'Here, take this and get
yourself a thumping big Christmas pudding.'"
------
"Ashley was a regular contributor to a charivaria column called 'Whipped
Topics' in the long defunct weekly London
Opinion. The column was bright as
such columns go, but to Ashley's irritation he found that what he considered to
be his best jokes were regularly reproduced in various parts of the national
press and invariably attributed to Bernard Shaw. After suffering this exasperating treatment
for a long time in silence, he sent the great man a note of humourous
remonstrance. By return came a postcard
in reply:
Dear Mr Sterne,
It is your own fault.
You should have a first class publicity agent like
Yours truly,
George Bernard Shaw"
I found one complete column of "Whipped Topics"
from London Opinion, republished in The
Straits Times (July 29,1912).
This is from the time when Ashley Sterne was
contributing. Many of the following
quips seem (at least to me) to exhibit his typical style of comic wordplay.
The Labour Leader's prayer: Give us this day our daily
strikes.
Mr. Arnold Bennett says that London is the most sentimental
city in Europe. That is, the most
sentimental for its sighs.
An adder measuring 36 inches was killed with a scythe by
some haymakers in the Isle of Wight. The
adder perished by simple division.
"Homeless. The
story of a woman's Fall. 4,000 feet." – Cinema film advertisement. There should be with this a dull, sickening
thud.
Now that full explanations of the Insurance Act are being
given, we only need full explanations of the full explanations and then we can
get to work.
While a man was cheering Mr. Lloyd George at Swansea, his
purse was stolen. Great indignation is
expressed at this encroachment on the Chancellor's prerogative.
Mr. Carnegie's advice to the students of Aberdeen University
was "to remain teetotallers until you have become millionaires." Most people would elect to remain
millionaires until they have become teetotallers.
A scientist is said to have discovered that the real cause
of labour unrest is work.
"The poultice," said an eminent medical man the
other day, "is as dead as Queen Anne." Yet once upon a time it was a great draw.
Hats by "Steak, London" are among the articles
sold by Parisian dealers in fictitious trade marks. Hats "by mistake" are frequent in
London barber's shops.
A French physician has discovered a new cure for asthma and
hay fever. It is a serum developed from
the duck. He should have concealed this
fact; it is so suggestive of quackery.
The Recorder said the other day that the expulsion order
against criminal aliens was a farce.
Even funnier that the farce itself is the time that it has taken the
authorities to find it out.
It is always less trouble to believe a lie than to prove it
isn't true.
Actresses are not necessarily angels because they spend most
of their life in wings.
There is more rejoicing in a hotel over one honeymoon couple
than over fifty families with children.
Misfortune is the kind of fortune that never misses.
Man always regards flattery as truth, and truth as abuse,
said a woman lecturer the other day.
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