Saturday, November 28, 2009

Tinker Bell takes a job


Worsening unemployment had reached even Neverland. Tinker Bell and two of the Lost Boys were laid off. The Lost Boys moved to Florida and got work cleaning cruise ships. Tinker Bell moved to Denver to stay with her aunt and started searching the want ads and applying for jobs.

And so it was that Tinker Bell found herself interviewing for a job as a dental hygienist.

She arrived promptly at the dental office, darted through the doorway when a patient opened the door, and landed on the receptionist's counter. "Good morning, I'm here to see Dr. Sanderson," Tinker Bell announced.

"Hi, I'm Alice. I schedule appointments for Dr. Sanderson. He'll be out in a minute. He's extra busy because we're shorthanded right now. Would you like a cup of coffee?" The receptionist laughed and added, "I'm sorry. A drop of coffee is what I mean to say."

Tinker Bell smiled politely and said, "No, thank you. I'm already so nervous that I'm buzzing like a hummingbird."

"Relax, dear. Dr. Sanderson was very impressed with your resume. He considers you dependable. That's very important here. You'll be replacing a fairy girl from Whateverland who was always late to the work. The girl before her was a young Irish fairy from the leprechaun tribe – a sweet kid really, but the sight of gold made her crazy. She ended up prying loose a patient's gold filling and running off. Oh, here he comes now."

A cheerful dentist in his late fifties entered the reception area. "Good morning, I'm Dr. Sanderson. Please follow me, Miss Bell." He led her back to his office. She flew right behind him at shoulder level. He took his seat behind the desk and said, "Make yourself comfortable."

Tinker Bell landed on the polished desktop, skidded, and had to flap her wings hard to avoid a pratfall . She recovered her dignity and marched over to take a seat on a pad of post-it notes. She smoothed her skirt over her knees and then looked up at Dr. Sanderson expectantly.

"I'm happy to say that your references checked out fine, Miss Bell."

"Oh, please call me Tink. That's what my friends call me."

"Well, Tink, you got an especially favorable recommendation from this Mr. Pan. I'm convinced that you will be a valuable addition to our team and want to offer you a job as dental hygienist."

Tinker Bell kept a businesslike expression on her face but her wings flared up, giving away her elation. "Thank you, sir. I accept."

Dr. Sanderson, by reflex, started to extend his hand for a handshake but caught himself. "So, are you able to start work tomorrow?"

"Yes, I can be here tomorrow."

"Excellent. I'll have Alice schedule a morning session for you with Mary, our trainer. Mary's a wood nymph, a really great lady." Dr. Sanderson reached into a desk drawer and pulled out a tiny metal object shaped like a T. "Have you ever used this kind of dental pick, Tink?" He placed it, ever so carefully, into her hands.

"No, sir," she said as she examined it.

"It's like a miniature geologist's hammer. We have them specially made by gnomes in Switzerland. It has a knurled handle for a sure grip."

Tinker Bell, who was sensitive to language, had to suppress a giggle. "Knurled" reminded her of "gnarly", which reminded her of the slang that the Lost Boys used. "It's a beautiful tool," she said.

"You'll also be given galoshes for secure footing within the patient's mouth. Of course, in accordance with OSHA dental safety practices, you'll be on a tether attached to the patient's incisor whenever you are cleaning the back molars. Needless to say, we don't want you anywhere near the esophagus, do we?"

"No, sir."

"There is one other matter that I always take care to emphasize to our fairy hygienists, Tink."

"Sir?"

"You must always be careful of your wings. If you should ever brush against the patient's palate, the patient might cough. That could be dangerous."

"I'll be careful."

"I'm sure you will, Tink. Oh, one more thing. We are putting a new sign out front and we want the community to know that we're on the cutting edge of dentistry and employing the best dental hygienists in the world. Therefore, it makes sense to put a picture of a fairy on the sign. Our other hygienist, Marie, is lady of mature years, quite matronly, and doesn't, um -- well, I'm sure you understand. What I'm trying to say is, would you consider letting us use your picture, Tink?"

Tinker Bell's wings flattened against her body. "Oh sir! I can't possibly –"

Dr. Sanderson raised his hands in a gesture of apology. "I don't want to distress you, Tink. If a picture is too much to ask, would you at least consider allowing us to use your silhouette?"

She put her head down, avoiding Dr. Sanderson's eyes. "I don't know, sir."

"Just think about it. That's all I ask. You can give me your answer later."

"Okay, I'll think about it."